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Friday, 20 June 2008

How could one person get it all so very wrong?

I have written before that I can't really think of anything that my mother taught me that was right. Seriously. I know, that sounds really mean and like I'm angry, but I'm not. I'm just bewildered. She sometimes did the right thing, yes, I mean, she wasn't horrible all the time, and she had her moments that were nice and warm and happy, but when I look at the actual lessons I learned from her, they're all wrong. Every. Single. One. Of. Them.

Anyway, I have written about this previously, so I won't go into that all again, but this topic was raised for me again with a book I'm reading. It's a sort of new-agey type book, but has some extremely practical advice on positive thinking, on where and how you put your attention and focus, and, most importantly, about the importance of consciousness, of awareness. One of the chapters about halfway through the book asserts this:

You are free.
You are powerful.
You are good.
You are love.
You have value.
You have purpose.
All is well.

I was really, really struck by this. These are all classic "positive affirmations," yes, but the thing that struck me, so much so that my jaw actually dropped when I realised it, is that my mother taught me the exact opposite of every one of those.

She taught me that I was trapped.
She taught me that I was powerless.
She taught me that I was "good for nothing" (her precise words).
She taught me that love is conditional (i.e., if you don't conform, you can't be loved).
She taught me that I was worthless (again, her word).
She taught me that I was useless (her word, again).
She taught me that I should be constantly afraid and worried about what might happen next.

Every single one of those things, she taught me the opposite. She did this with a lot of other stuff, too. And I'm not, surprisingly, angry or even upset. I'm gobsmacked. I'm dumbfounded. How can ONE person get EVERYTHING so very, very, VERY wrong?

It boggles the rational mind, truly it does.

If I were a believer in pre-life contracts and so forth (I do believe in life beyond our current physical incarnations, but I'm not sure I believe that you "choose" your family or anything of that sort), I'd think that we had some sort of deal where she would do her best to teach me the opposite of everything, just so that I could overcome it...

Mostly, I think she's just a fool.

And I AM free, powerful, good, love (and lovable!), valuable, and useful, and all is well. Right now, in this moment, all is well. And in the next moment, all will be well. And so on and so on, moment by moment. All is well. I am well. And I am grateful.

Wednesday, 11 June 2008

When You Learn Abuse, You Live Abuse

When You Learn Abuse, You Live Abuse

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