Fear

I spent a good portion of my life being anxious and/or afraid of things. For a while, I was even certifiably agoraphobic, and I wouldn't leave my apartment unaccompanied, not even to do the laundry or take out the garbage.

After a breakdown, hospitalization, a fair bit of therapy, and a great deal of soul searching, I decided to never, EVER let fear rule me or my life again, and to never let it make my decisions.

I've been victimized in many ways. I may be yet again, who knows? I could step outside to get the mail and be run over by a drunk driver. I could be in an elevator when the cable snaps. I could be stalked and multilated. All of that could happen, and I know it (because a lot of shit has already happened to me; I'm well aware of the possibilities).

That doesn't mean I'm going to curtail my life to suit unseen and unknown assailants or tragedies. Fear is not my master.

Also because I am aware of the dangers that exist in the world, I don't leave my car running when I'm not in it, I wear a seatbelt, I lock the doors to my house, I don't smoke, I obey traffic laws, etc. I'm not incautious, nor am I a particularly big risk taker (at least, not for the sake of taking risks).

But I don't sit around worrying that because I used to smoke heavily some years ago, I "might" get sick now (it could happen), and I don't avoid getting the mail because I "might" get run over by a drunk, and I don't change the way I live because something "might" happen.

My daughter is watching Finding Nemo a few meters from where I'm sitting, and I'm reminded of this exchange:

Marlin: But how do you know something bad isn't going to happen?
Dory: I don't.

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