Men Jokes

DISCLAIMER I like men. I really, really like them. I've spent some years working in a male-dominated field and traditionally, most of my friends have been male, and I just plain like men. However, they can be damned frustrating as these things go, in precisely the same way that my cat can be frustrating (scratching stuff rudely, refusing to let me go to the bathroom alone, making all sorts of noise if not fed promptly, getting in a snit if I don't want to play... wait... is that my cat or a man...?).

Q: How can you tell if a man is sexually excited?
A: He's breathing.

Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
A: Because they don't have balls.

Q: How do you save a man from drowning?
A: Take your foot off his head.

Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One; men will screw anything.

Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A: No one knows. It's never happened.

Q: What's a man's idea of safe sex?
A: A padded headboard.

Q: Why would a man walk around with his fly open?
A: Just in case he has to count to 11.

Q: Why did God put men on earth?
A: Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

Q: Why did the man cross the road?
A: He heard the chicken was a slut.

Q: Why does it take one million sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: They won't stop to ask directions.

Q: Why are blonde jokes so short?
A: So men can remember them.

Q: How can you tell if a man's happy?
A: Who cares.

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