"Well, now that we have seen each other, said the Unicorn, "if you'll believe in me, I'll believe in you. Is that a bargain?"
Lewis Carrol, Through the Looking Glass
DisclaimerWarning! The creatrix of these pages has a very dry, whimsical, often sarcastic sense of humor. Therefore, these pages are not safe for reading by the Humor Impaired or the Sarcastically Disadvantaged (or by the incurably stupid with a chip on their shoulder, for that matter -- you know who you are). Reading them can cause severe mental trauma in persons who must live with these sort of challenges. I cannot be held responsible for any Pun Trauma or PSS (Parody Stress Syndrome) or other sarcasm-induced difficulties which could be suffered by unwary readers. If you are unable to take a joke, unable to recognize tongue-in-cheek whimsy and/or obvious sarcasm, or are otherwise Humor Impaired, please leave these pages if you feel yourself becoming confused, angry, or otherwise disoriented. Thank you.
This disclaimer was inspired by real events. Specifically, not long after this homepage was first online (in 1994), one particular woman -- let's call her Darla -- visited the site. She had been reading my posts in a Usenet newsgroup and decided to "check me out".
Darla read over the materials on my homepage and, having entirely misundersood the content and projected all manner of her own issues onto me, she proceeded to flame me absolutely mercilessly and unceasingly by spamming insults and other abuse aimed at and about me into dozens of Usenet newsgroups (most in the alt.sex.* hierarchy). She told anyone and everyone in the Usenet world how conceited I was, how I thought far too well of myself (if you believe that, you really need to check out some of my writings on trauma and abuse), accused me of being an immature woman (apparently playing with names and silly titles makes one immature), and -- my favorite! -- she called me a figment of my own imagination.
While I do rather admire that turn of a phrase, and I have used it to describe myself since then, I was rather irritated to have been so widely and publically attacked for no real reason other than she had a chip on her shoulder and she just Didn't Get It™ and she just didn't like me.
She lost her account, by the way, when I complained to her ISP about the four separate TOS violations she'd made when she went on her rampage. As it turned out, many people had complained to her ISP, on account of her ridiculous behaviour (some of them didn't know me or give a toss who I was; they just resented this idiot woman for spamming inappropriate crap all over Usenet!).
Later, in November 1997, I received the following message from someone who was too cowardly to leave his/her name or email address:
The most pretentious, egotistical, unfunny Home Page I have ever seen.
This is, I think, a perfect example of someone who just Doesn't Get It™, who has a chip on his/her shoulder, and/or has a severe case of rectocranial impaction.
It is for the benefit of these sorts of people that I included this disclaimer.
Therefore be advised that I have a very dry, often biting wit, and I do tend to view the world in a somewhat unconventional way. Quite often, I indulge in irony and sarcasm, which is easily misunderstood (particularly in written form, since good sarcasm often relies on vocal pitch and facial expression). If areas of these pages strike you as pretentious or otherwise like I'm "full of myself," (something of which I am occasionally accused), I do apologize. I'm probably just being sarcastic or satirical, or indulging in some other form of subtle humor or irony. My sense of the absurd can be (and occasionally is) sometimes mistaken as literal.
I also want to note that I am fully aware that only about three or four people a year (if that) actually want to visit these pages. They are personal. They are about me. Very few people have enough interest in me or care enough about me to want to read these pages. But, for the three or so people who do want to read them, here they are, and I hope they bring you a smile!
If you're one of those people who feels that personal homepages are a waste of space and bandwidth, boy, are you on the wrong website! I suggest you go elsewhere immediately, before you get your knickers in a knot (or your undies in a bunch).
Then again, the plain fact is that some people just Don't Get It™, and you may be one of them.
And for the record, I am sometimes full of something, but it isn't myself..... (insert a smirk - I tend to smirk a lot).
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