The Testimony of St Andrew, Second Prophet of Bonni

The Great Bonni appeared to me and said:

   "Go forth into the world,
      To the furthest corners of the Big 8,
   Tell them the message which I have for them
      The message of the times to come.
   For soon the falcon shall lie down with the wild ox,
      The lion and the man shall be reconciled,
   And a great torment will come forth
      Against those whose head is firmly wedged in their rectum."

   And I said to Bonni: "What is this? Your words are as a clanging bell.
      Can you not speak plain English?"

   And The Great Bonni appeared to me again and said to me:

   "Be silent, and know that I am Bonni,
      She who posesses the huge tracts of land.
   She from whom innuendo gushes forth,
      As the young man has spurts of... growth.
   My sarcasm is always funny,
      But of course you know all about that, don't you.
      Heed not my words,
      And you shall surely be ridiculed."
   And I said to Her: "Your Grace, your message is hard.
      Shall we make here two tents, one for You and one for Muggins?"
   And The Great Bonni appeared again and said:
    "As surely as the sun rises in the morning,
      So you need a life."
   And The Great Bonni left for a while. And I was tossing all night.

Copyright © A.J.Bromage, 1996, used by permission. All rights reserved.