You might like to read this rather charmingly illustrated and very entertaining unfairy tale.

(You need Flash to) play Slap the Candidate, but it's strangely stress-reducing and if you score a 10, well, let's just say I found it gratifying (which probably says something about me, right there). Take your pick of Bush, Kerry, or both! Oh, and clicking the 'extras' in the Flash scenes take you to interesting sites, as well, Try it and see!

Annie writes in her LiveJournal:

A couple of weeks ago, following the last presidential debate, I said some rather inflammatory things about George W. Bush in a public post in my LJ, done in a satirical style. We laughed, we ranted, we all said some things. I thought it was a fairly harmless (and rather obvious) attempt at humor in the face of annoyance, and while a couple of people were offended, as is typical behavior from me, I saw something shiny and forgot about it, thinking that the whole thing was over and done and nothing else would come of what I said.
 
I was wrong.
 
At 9:45 last night, the Secret Service showed up on my mother's front door to talk to me about what I said about the President, as what I said could apparently be misconstrued as a threat to his life. After about ten minutes of talking to me and my family, they quickly came to the conclusion that I was not a threat to national security (mostly because we are the least threatening people in the entire world) and told me that they would not recommend that any further action be taken with my case. However, I do now have a file with the FBI that includes my photograph, my e-mail address, and the location of my LJ. This will follow me around for the rest of my life, regardless of the fact that the Secret Service knows that I am not a threat.

Rocker Bruce Springsteen is joining Sen. John Kerry in the final days of his bid to become the nation's boss.

Australian research into the perfect peeing position has faltered because a third of the study's volunteers couldn't squat properly. Apparently, a third of the 100 women who were taking part couldn't hold the squat position for even 30 seconds before falling over, leading the researchers to conclude that Westerners cannot squat.

This just works for me on so many levels...

The leader of the free world has some firm words with the Almighty. By Terry Jones.

So it seems Osama is feeling neglected, so he decides to write Bush a little note to remind him he's still around. Bush gets the letter and opens it to find

and immediately freaks out; it's something in code, and it can't be good. So he sends it to Rumsfeld, who can't figure it out. Neither can the CIA, the NSA, or the FBI. Finally they send it to Britian's MI6, who call the White House and said, "Tell the President he's looking at it upside down."

I've put up a new image at elizabye.com. Link on the front page, or you can look at the News & Notes and see what else is happening over there these days.

Without fanfare, President Bush signed into law on Friday a nearly $140 billion corporate tax cut bill derided by both Democratic presidential rival John Kerry and Republican Sen. John McCain as a giveaway to special interests.

Those readers who like the spoken language liberally peppered with expletives and barrack-room terminology had better clean up their act, a Russian scientist has warned, because excessive swearing causes women to turn into blokes and blokes to lose wood.

Zoë went to pre-school, and Miranda went to a music playgroup session with Nanna (who has finally returned from her prolonged stay in Europe). I dropped Zoë off and then went and picked up a few things from the chemist (drugstore) and the supermarket, and I did it all by myself. It was amazing! The sun is shining, it's not too hot (yet, anyway, it's still early), and I got to go out without being accompanied by small children! Wow!

(For those who don't know, 999 is an emergency number, similar to 911 in the States or 000 in Australia.)

A red-faced couple launched a police emergency when they accidentally called 999 in the throes of passion, it emerged today.
 
Officers at Durham Police's communications centre became concerned when a call came through but all they could hear was the sound of a woman apparently in some distress.
 
They could also hear a man's voice in the background.

To the popular press, "hacker" means someone who breaks into computers. Among programmers it means a good programmer. But the two meanings are connected. To programmers, "hacker" connotes mastery in the most literal sense: someone who can make a computer do what he wants-- whether the computer wants to or not.

Fear of a terrorist attack is not sufficient reason for authorities to search people at a protest, a federal appeals court has ruled, saying Sept. 11 "cannot be the day liberty perished."

Okay, I admit that the link is an affiliate link, BUT... Bodywise really, really does make the world's most comfortable bras, particularly if you have large breasts. I won't wear any other kind of bra any more, because I'm just so seriously hooked on Bodywise (they make other undies, too, but I'm only a bra customer so I can't really comment on those).

And yes, they ship internationally. And when you look at the prices, remember that they're in Australian dollars.

Seriously, you owe it to your boobs to at least look at the catalog. You have my personal promise that these bras are comfortable enough to sleep in (well, at least all the styles I've bought are). Maternity bras, nursing bras, everyday bras, lace ones, plain ones... Take your pick, and your boobs will thank you for it.

See their products at Bodywise Underwear. I guarantee that if you do buy one of their bras, you'll thank me later (and I'll thank you, because it's an affiliate link, heheh).

Killer toothache. It's been bothering me for a while now, but today it got progressively worse. Last night I was kinda doped up (a heady mixture of codeine, caffeine, and ibuprofen, yes, all perfectly legal), and I was chewing with that tooth. It didn't hurt excruciatingly because of the medication. When that wore off...

Well. I used to get these toothaches regularly and having out the Evil Bastard wisdom tooth has helped, but there's something not right with that molar. Dunno what. I had a complete jaw x-ray not long ago and while I was referred to a periodontist (fear of dental work tends to lead to gum disease, unfortunately), nobody said anything about there being anything wrong with that molar. Perhaps it's just prone to getting stuff stuck under the gum and getting an infection as a result.

If this doesn't get better very VERY soon, I'm going to have to go to the doctor or the dentist or somebody with the ability to prescribe medication (hell, a psychiatrist will do!) and get antibiotics.

Damn. Owww.

Listen, if you want, send some positive healing thoughts my way, okay? Prayers, good vibes, just happy no-toothyhurt imaginings would be fine....

The Rbot-GR virus follows a fairly traditional malware route of exploiting Microsoft security vulnerabilities and installing a Trojan horse on infected machines. However, the worm also spies on users by taking control of their Webcam and microphone, then sending images and soundtracks back to the hackers, according to antivirus firm Sophos.
 
As well as getting an insight into homes and businesses across the world, the worm allows the malware writer to take a look at information on the infected machine's hard drive, steal passwords and launch denial-of-service attacks.

The United States has refused to join 85 other heads of state and government in signing a statement that endorsed a 10-year-old U.N. plan to ensure every woman's right to education, health care, and choice about having children.

Just got this in my spam trap:

(NOT A SPAM) TURN $6 INTO $600000 IN 15 WEEKS

But it's not spam....

A Los Angeles man who used other people's wi-fi networks to send thousands of unsolicited adult-themed e-mails from his car pleaded guilty to a single felony Monday, in what prosecutors say is the first criminal conviction under the federal CAN-SPAM Act.

Employees of a private voter registration company allege that hundreds, perhaps thousands of voters who may think they are registered will be rudely surprised on election day. The company claims hundreds of registration forms were thrown in the trash.
 
Anyone who has recently registered or re-registered to vote outside a mall or grocery store or even government building may be affected.
[...]
Two former workers say they personally witnessed company supervisors rip up and trash registration forms signed by Democrats.
 
"We caught her taking Democrats out of my pile, handed them to her assistant and he ripped them up right in front of us. I grabbed some of them out of the garbage and she tells her assisatnt to get those from me," said Eric Russell, former Voters Outreach employee.

My goodness. An entire weblog devoted to discussing whether or not George W. Bush had an electronic "voice in his ear" to prompt his answers when he debated John Kerry.

Well, the Liberal Party (why on earth they're called that, I have no idea, since they're not liberal nor are they particularly progressive) won yesterday's election, which means we've got John Howard as the Prime Minister for at least three more years.

I didn't vote for him. Andrew didn't vote for him. Actually, a lot of people didn't vote for him, but enough people did that he's back in office.

I must admit, I'm still trying to work out the intracacies of the Australian system, as it's mostly based on the Parlimentary system (with which I'm only slightly familiar), but with elements of the American system blended in here and there. (I just ask a lot of question about how things work, and eventually I'll figure it out; it's kind of like learning cricket, I guess, and no, I haven't got that quite worked out yet, either.)

Our extremely irritating local member (representative for the electorate) also got re-elected. This guy completely annoys me. I wouldn't have cared much about him one way or the other except that he sends out far too much paper spam, and I'm damned tired of seeing his doofy grin. I can't imagine how much money he spent to send out all those letters and flyers and fridge magnets and other junk he's sent us in the last year or so...

Anyway, election's over, mostly nothing has changed. Bleah.

Vice President Dick Cheney probably did not intend to direct millions of television viewers to a Web site calling for President Bush's defeat but that's what a slip of the domain achieved.
 
Anyone who heeded Cheney's advice and clicked on "factcheck.com" was greeted on Wednesday morning with a message from anti-Bush billionaire investor George Soros entitled "Why we must not reelect President Bush."

A CIA report has found no conclusive evidence that former Iraqi President Saddam Hussein harbored Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, which the Bush administration asserted before the invasion of Iraq.

I'm watching The Simpsons, and on the show somone announced, "Please rise for our national anthem," and in my mind, I anticipated the opening bars of Advance Australia Fair. When it turned out to be The Star Spangled Banner, I was actually momentarily startled, the way you are when you take a sip from a glass, expecting water but you find that it's 7-Up.

Australians, all let us rejoice....

Right at this moment in time, I feel settled, content, and excited (about a project I'm working on), and I feel hopeful about all kinds of things. Zoë had a really good day at Early Intervention and she's been talking and understanding more and more, we had a nice lunch, I'm not in too much pain today (although I am rather notably fatigued in the arms and upper back, but you can't have everything, heh), it looks like John Howard may just lose the upcoming election (Saturday I get to vote as an Australian citizen for the first time!), and it's spring!

Mind you, half an hour or an hour from now I may be in a much less optimistic mood, but for now, it's good. I'm good. I've learned to just take these little moments and enjoy them, like an expensive chocolate.

Does It Take to Screw in a Light Bulb?

(Change the "font designers" to "web designers" and the "font" to "website" and you have a pretty accurate picture of what web designers are like when they get together in large groups.)

DEAR SIR/MADAM,

THIS IS A PERSONAL EMAIL T0 YOU ONLY. I AM THE SON OF SPAM SPADE, THE
FORMER LOAN OFFICER OF NIGERIA, WHO WAS KILLED BY A RUSSIAN LADY WHO WANTS TO MEET YOU. HIS MORTGAGE RATES WERE SUPERB, BUT HIS PENIS WAS TOO SHORT, SO HE ORDERED 60,000,000 VIAGRA PILLS AND BEFORE HE COULD TAKE THEM HE WAS ASSASINATED BY 5 MILLION EMAIL ADDRESSES AT NO COST TO YOU. NOW I HAVE THESE 60 MILLION VIAGRA PILLS AND SEEK YOUR HELP IN TRANSFERING THEM TO YOUR ACCOUNT.

I AM USING THIS MEDIUM T0 REACH YOU. HOWEVER I HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE AND THIS IS STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL, YOUR CO-OPERATION IS NECESSARY. YOUR RESUME WAS SELECTED AS BEING HIGHLY QUALIFIED, BUT THIS IS NOT SPAM! THIS IS FREEDOM FROM DEBT - CUT YOUR MORTGAGE IN HALF WITH OUR AMAZING REMOTE-CONTROL PASTA POT. THIS OFFER IS FREE. YOU HAVE NO OBLIGATION TO DELETE IT AT ANY TIME.

Y0UR PILLS ARE BEING HELD IN AN INEXPENSIVE DIGITAL CABLE DESCRAMBLER BOX GUARDED BY TEENY TITS CARRYING EXPLOSIVE LOADS. THE LOWEST RATES ARE LOCKED IN, ALONG WITH YOUR FREE GIFT. THESE PILLS MUST BE TRANSFERED TO YOUR ACCOUNT USING A HAND-HELD ORGANIZER WHICH MAY BE OBTAINED FROM A FREE GOVERNMENT-AUCTION WEB SITE. BY VIEWING PHOTOS OF SINGLES IN YOUR AREA, INCLUDING HORNY WIVES, YOU CAN LOOK YOUNGER, LOSE WEIGHT, AND INCREASE YOUR STAMINA WHILE DRIVING PRE-QUALIFIED CUSTOMERS TO YOUR MULTILEVEL PROGRAM AND MAKE OVER $4000 PER MONTH GUARANTEED. THESE PILLS WILL NOT ONLY MAKE YOU LOOK 3" LONGER, THEY WILL GET RID OF YOUR FLEAS AND TICKS FOR GOOD! SIMPLY COPY ANY DVD TO YOUR FREE INTERNET DOMAIN AND BEGIN YOUR ANTI-AGING PROGRAM TODAY.

THE PLAN IS SIMPLE. Y0U WILL USE NORTON SYSTEMWORKS (A $300 VALUE FOR ONLY $38.95) TO PURCHASE 37 MILLION SHARES OF TONER CORP STOCK. THEN YOU WILL MEET ME AT THE WORLD'S SMALLEST DIGITAL CAMERA WITH $30,000 IN CORAL CALCIUM. WARNING: DO NOT TAKE ANY HUMAN GROWTH HORMONE OR YOU WILL NOT QUALIFY FOR YOUR FREE GIFT. ONCE YOU RECONNECT WITH YOUR HIGH-SCHOOL FRIENDS, YOUR FREE CREDIT REPORT WILL BE SENT. WITH THIS REPORT, YOU CAN BUILD YOUR OWN ONLINE CASINO. ONCE INSIDE THE CASINO, YOU WILL SUBSCRIBE TO KARA'S FREE FAN CLUB, WHERE YOU WILL BE ENTERED IN A DRAWING TO PROTECT YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM. DO NOT FAIL TO DO THIS, OR I WILL REDUCE THE SIZE OF YOUR PENIS BY THREE INCHES! KARA'S WEB SITE WILL POP UP 6,000 PAGES, ALL OF WHICH YOU WILL HAVE TO CLOSE BY CLICKING THEM. FOR EACH ONE YOU CLICK, TWO MORE WILL APPEAR. AFTER YOU COMPLETE YOUR ONLINE DEGREE (IN 8 MONTHS OR LESS), I WILL SEND YOU A HOT AMATEUR MP3 THAT WILL CONSOLIDATE YOUR DEBT USING ONLINE AUCTIONS. NOT EVEN CNN, CBS, ABC, NBC, OR OPRAH WILL KNOW OUR SECRET!

N0W Y0U WILL BE READY TO RECEIVE THE PILLS. YOU WILL USE THE AUCTION SITE TO FIRE YOUR BOSS AND CLAIM YOUR PORTABLE DVD PLAYER FROM THE SECRET ANTI-WRINKLE AGENT. NEXT, BOOST YOUR CELLULAR RECEPTION AND DRIVE OUR TEENY LOLITAS WILD WITH HUMAN PHEROMONES MADE FROM PRE-OWNED INKJET CARTRIDGES. YOU WILL TRADE THE PHEROMONES FOR A SINGLE GEORGE FOREMAN GRILL FILLED WITH A FREE THIRTY-DAY SUPPLY, WHICH WILL ENLARGE YOUR PACKAGE EVEN FURTHER. THE HERBAL INGREDIENTS IN THIS PACKAGE WILL INCREASE YOUR REVENUE PROJECTIONS BY 3" AND CLEAN THE INNER WALLS OF YOUR INTESTINES. REMEMBER, THIS IS NOT A SLEEP REMEDY, THIS AMAZING PRODUCT TARGETS THE BACTERIA THAT ACTUALLY CAUSE SNORING!

0UR PSYCHICS ARE STANDING BY TO TAKE YOUR ORDER. GIVE THEM YOUR CREDIT CARD NUMBER AND WAIT FOR THE BEEP. YOU WILL BE GIVEN THE ULTIMATE SCIENTIFIC BREAKTHROUGH AND A FREE CREDIT CHECK. DEPOSIT THIS CHECK IN A PRE-APPROVED ACCOUNT, AND YOU WILL TAKE HOME 40% OF THE PILLS.

THIS IS A VERY SIMPLE TRANSACTION. THE RESULTS ARE GUARANTEED. THIS IS A COMPLETELY SECURE INVESTMENT. I HOPE YOU WILL HELP ME AND MY FAMILY AS WE ARE IN DESPERATE NEED. PLEASE REPLY ASAP.

SINCERELY,
S0N OF SPAM

P.S., IF YOU WANT TO BE REMOVED FROM THIS MAILING LIST, SIMPLY GO TO
www.UNSUBSCRIBE.COM.

You're the smirk,a frown-smile hybrid that's a
little bit cocky and usually associated with
evil or arrogant,but attractive people.You
probably just don't give a damn,but it's
everyone else's fault if you don't because
you're too awesome to have any real faults.


What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I'm feeling better. The allergy seems to be slowly abating and I can mostly breathe through my nose again. Emotionally, I'm settling down and feeling more normal. I was in a lot of physical pain yesterday, but it's not too bad today, just some upper back pain that is fairly easy to manage with pain relievers (this is directly related to my as-yet-unnamed-to-the-public chronic condition). I'm still a little "fuzzy headed', but other than that, I'm doing all right. Whew.

I was much amused by this Radical poetry. Might be worth the effort to scroll up the page a little to see a bit of the backstory as to why it was posted, but really, it pretty much speaks for itself.

Don't be surprised if missing that cup of morning coffee gives you a headache or makes it difficult to concentrate at work.

(Well, DUH, what will they find out next, that water is wet and the sun is very, very hot?)

It's a tale of man against nature. A paralyzed man in Aspen, Colorado lay helplessly in bed for two hours while a black bear known as "Fat Albert" went through his kitchen breaking dishes and looking for a tasty snack.
 
"I had four pounds (2kg) of chocolate from a ski trip. He ate it all -- it's war," Tom Isaac said, recounting with a sense of humor how the 500-pound (230-kg) bear made himself at home at his house on Sept. 20.
[...]
"The next afternoon the wildlife agents found him sleeping in my dining room," Isaac said.

... But town councillors never imagined that Kerry's 45-minute presentation would wind up costing taxpayers about 10,000 dollars, and they felt it was only right that the Kerry campaign should foot the bill for some of the cost, so they asked them for 3,000 dollars.
[...]
Mayor John Brenner of York, Pennslyvania, billed the Bush-Cheney campaign 21,000 dollars for a July 9 electioneering visit by President George W. Bush.

Feeling extremely unwell today, emotionally. Very off-balance, very paranoid. Partly, I had a big panic attack earlier that hasn't yet hit me full-force (I'm mananging to keep it more or less "at bay" while Andrew's at work, but it's going to hit me really hard later, I know that much). So it's just taking the form of insidious, painful, diffiult-to-ignore anxiety and creeping paranoia.

Face is hot, I'm dizzy, I feel extremely nauseated and very, very "broken" (as in, beyond repair). I'm actually trembling off and on. This is not good, although I know it will eventually lead to something better. There's more in my recovery journal if anyone cares about this sort of thing. Otherwise, it's the last I'll say about it in this blog, because that's not what this blog is about.