Late last year, or maybe it was early this year, I wrote here about my resolution to be happy. It wasn’t a New Year’s resolution because I made it on Boxing Day (26 December), when we went for a family day out and just had a perfect and incredibly happy day.
Anyway, I’ve actually mostly achieved it. Seriously. I’m happy most of the time. And I don’t mean just okay, I mean, I’m actually happy. Even when stuff looks crappy (and sometimes it really does), I tend not to get too bogged down with it. I just prefer to be happy and to believe that it will all work out and guess what? It does. And that makes me happy. And the cycle continues…
Mostly, this is a profound attitude change, and the breaking of a lifetime of habit of thought. It’s taken some time and vigilance to re-train my habitual thought patterns, but I’m doing it, and the old, negative thoughts are becoming less and less common, and the new, happy thought patterns are becoming the norm.
I know, it probably sounds like some sort of weird denial or something, but honestly, it isn’t. I know denial (trust me on that one), and I know that thing where you pretend to be happy or you ignore what’s really going on and smile, anyway… This is totally different. It’s real, genuine joy. It flows from somewhere inside me, like a wellspring. I am not always overtly aware of it, but it takes very little effort to just relax and let it flow. Even when I’m tired and cranky and situations are not what I would like them to be, I can tap into it. Sometimes it’s just a sort of pleasant contentment, sometimes it’s full on bliss, but it’s always there, if I just let myself experience it.
Good stuff, happiness. And surprising, too. I used to think that it was impossible to be happy most of the time (let alone all the time), but that was when I thought that happiness depended on external circumstances. Now I know better. Happiness, joy, that all comes from inside… I’m grateful that I’ve found out how to tap into it.

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