So anyway…

Just what I needed. Verbal abuse from a Bible-thumping illiterate somewhere in the backwoods of Arkansas (according to the trace on his IP address).

I got this today in relation to my essay on researching a specific mistranslation that occurs in one particular version of the Bible. It’s the “Why is the Unicorn in the King James” essay. It’s just a bit of fun, really. A hobby.

Here’s the email, from Billy the Slack-Jawed Yokel:

So you are telling people that as a man
a human being quote unquote that you
know that the bible is not true and you
cant even read hebrew,yet you can
translate that the bible is a poetic
click.Well Ive got news for you news
flash the bible is true,god does exhist
and if you dont believe that,you are
going straight to hell on a one way
ticket,ill pray for youre ignorance but
until you change that stupidity you
believe in and stop believing in man
and fery tails and pray to god you
still have a one way ticket.O and by
the way unicorns did exhist and the
bible is living proof,altho you will
never grasp that cause you still
apperantly believe in only what you can
see. I hope you change for youre
sake.Good day.

Nice, isn’t it? I’m going to hell, apparently, because I believe, based on piles of scholarship and textual evidence, that ONE particular word in ONE version of the Bible (out of the hundreds of them worldwide in different languages) has a peculiar and interesting mistranslation. No, I don’t believe that the King James Bible fell from heaven in 1611. I believe it was translated by human beings and that in this case, they mistranslated the word “re’em” to be “unicorn” (you can visit the page yourself if you want to see what I’ve found out about it, as well)

I never said the Bible wasn’t true. I certainly have never said that I don’t believe in God (though the concept of God I have is obviously very different from the concept Billy the Slack Jawed Yokel has). I DID say that the King James was translated by humans. In fact, if you’re interested, you can read for yourself what the translators of the King James had to say about their work, and it was not, “This work is perfect and without flaw.” Rather the contrary.

Well, Billy, I’m glad to hear you’ll be praying for MY ignorance and stupidity. I will admit it’s never occurred to me to pray for anyone’s stupidity, at least until now. I think I’ll be praying that you learn to control yourself and stop sending curses and flames to people who write things you don’t understand.
And so that you won’t risk getting more upset by things you don’t understand, I think I’ll just ban your IP address. After all, I wouldn’t want you to get your undies in an even more righteous bunch if you read something else that challenges your worldview to the point that you can’t maintain self control.

I also find it amusing that this idiot thinks I only believe what I can see. How much further from the truth can one assumption be, I wonder? I rarely speak of my spirituality in a public forum, but I am, in fact, very much a believer in an awful lot of things that are wholly intangible. I’ve experienced and seen things that most people would think are either holy visions or utter madness (and possibly a little of both). I’ve been places, spiritually speaking, that most people don’t know exist, and where I never wanted to go. I’ve been through a trial by fire that nearly destroyed me, and through it all, the only thing I HAD to keep me going was faith in things intangible and promises that most people would have thought I was crazy to trust. But I did believe, and I did trust, and I came through that hell a different and much better person.
Apparently, I need to go back through it, though, because even after all of that, I still don’t believe the King James Bible is any more perfect than any other translation and for that, I’m going to go to hell…

Ah, well. Thankfully, Billy is praying for my ignorance and stupidity, so maybe tomorrow I’ll wake up and suddenly realize the error of my ways and fall on my face in praise of the unicorn or something. But will it keep me out of hell, I wonder? Hmmm…

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Slow Cooker Cheese Potatoes is what’s for dinner here today.

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We finally saw wild kangaroos today. Well, when I say “we” I mean me. Andrew’s seen lots of them. I’ve been in Australia about three and a half years, and I’ve only seen roos in the wild once, and that was at some distance as we sped down the highway. Today, though, I really got to see some roos.

There was a whole group of them in a field, lounging around in the shade, nibbling on the grass, generally just hanging out, as roos are inclined to do. I couldn’t get very close, which is probably a good thing, as they can be dangerous, particularly when startled.

The ones we saw today are Eastern Grey Kangaroos. They’re not terribly big (a metre and a half tall, at most), and they’re very common and frequently considered a pest when the population gets out of control and they ravage the countryside and farmlands.

Still, I found it exciting. Kangaroos, right out there in a field where I could look at them! How cool is that?!

So that was my day. Nice ride in the countryside, a bit of shopping, and I saw kangaroos. Life is good.

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Man falls into 1,200 Gallon Vat of Liquefied Chocolate. And while I really don’t want to make light of someone’s death (and I honestly don’t), I think if I had to choose an unnatural way to die… Well, I’ll stop right there.

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Now this was fun. Here’s what happened with the Song-O-Matic and the entries I put in (with very slight editing):

“You Know” by boyz4u
I’m reaching for you
Are you feeling it too?
Oooh
Baby
The birds don’t sing without you
And sun don’t shine without you
And I can’t live without you
It’s you, you, you
baby
Ooooh, oooohhh
baby, baby
You know It’s true
oooh yeah, oooh yeah, oooh yeah
Baby, you know, you know it’s true
Ooooooh
I just want to say thank you, baby
For being you

And was my band a hit? Why,

boyz4u make it big with “You Know” and replace The Backstreet Boys as ‘N Sync’s greatest rival. The merchandise is rolled out–dolls, key chains, beepers, cell phones, musical socks, you name it. A group of voodoo-practicing ‘N Sync fans in New Orleans tries to secure their band’s number one spot. They stick pins in boyz4u dolls during live international telecast, and make them spout obscenities like; la Eminem, and grab their crotches like Michael Jackson. But it backfires! The world loves their sexy new moves and new bad-boy image! Congratulations!

That’s better than my first try, which was a bit of a flop. The scary thing is that the song sounds like it really COULD be a hit song for a boy band featuring “The Rebel”, “The Hunk”, “The Sensitive Guy”, and “The Class Clown”….

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Buying bread from a man in Brussels
He was six foot four and full of muscles
I said, “Do you speak-a my language?”
He just smiled and gave me a vegemite sandwich
~ from “Down Under” by Men at Work

So what IS Vegemite, anyway? Well, you could visit their official website if you wanted. But that wouldn’t give you a real idea about the stuff.

Vegemite is actually a by-product of the beer brewing process. It’s made of yeast and salt and, errr… mostly yeast and salt. It’s brown. It’s an acquired taste. It’s also sort of an unofficial national food. Yes, really.

As for what it tastes like, well, try to imagine what a thick, yeasty, salty goo that accumulated in the bottom of a beer vat might taste like if you put it on toast. I can’t work out how this got started.

“Hey, mate, what should we do with this brown stuff in the bottom of this vat?”
“Dunno, mate. How about we eat it on toast?”
“Aw, yeah, mate, good idea!”

No, I don’t like Vegemite. I’ve tried it on many occasions just to see if I could manage to acquire the taste for it, but I just can’t. Some Americans do come to like the stuff, but I don’t think I’ll ever be one of them.

One thing I’ve noticed about Australians is that if you say you don’t like Vegemite they always say, “Oh, you must have spread it too thickly!” and sometimes note that, “it’s not peanut butter!” Spreading too thickly is a common error Americans make. It does have to be spread really thinly (personally, I think a depth of two to three molecules would be plenty). But the thing that amuses me is that there seems to be this underlying assumption that if you don’t like Vegemite, it’s something YOU did, other than it being the fault of the yeasty, salty brown goo, itself.

Well, I’ve had real, fair dinkum native Australians with years of Vegemite experience make toast for me, so I know it was prepared correctly. I still think it’s foul.

I will admit that it might be all right if it was spread very thinly (that’s a bit of a national chant, there) on a sandwich with, say, lettuce, tomato, and cheese (and by the way, it’s a “tuh-MAH-to” in Australia, not a “tuh-MAY-to”, but that’s another essay entirely). In other words, use just enough Vegemite to add a little saltiness to an otherwise non-salty sandwich. That might be okay. I haven’t tried it, but I’m willing to concede that it might be all right.

That’s pretty much the deal with Vegemite. I honestly don’t know why Australians love the stuff as much as they do, but I guess it’s just something you grow up with, sort of like Americans and Oscar Meyer products or something. I don’t entirely “get it”, but then, I’m an immigrant, bringing in my strange new ideas and pronouncing it “tuh-MAY-to” and all…

“We’re happy little Vegemites
As happy as can be.
We all enjoy our Vegemite
For breakfast, lunch and tea.
Our mother says we’re growing stronger every single week
Because we love our Vegemite.
We all adore our Vegemite.
IT PUTS A ROSE IN EVERY CHEEK!”
~ The Vegemite Song (first performed on a radio ad in 1950)

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I’ve got a list of “yummy men”. I haven’t ever actually compiled it in writing or anything, but I know who’s on it. My list is a little different than some women might have because I like brains and a sense of humor and talent, probably more than I care about looks.
Anyway, I’ve added a new one to my list of Yummy Men. It’s Hugh Jackman. I saw X Men finally and Hugh Jackman in tight leather is almost as appealing as Hugh Jackman with his shirt off. Gaaahhhh…. (that’s the sound of drooling, by the way, a la Homer Simpson).
But more than the way he looks (or at least, the way he looked in that film), I’ve seen Hugh do other cool stuff. For example, he played the lead in Oklahoma. He also appeared on Rove Live with John Travolta (who is not on the list, just for the record, although I do find him funny and personable), and they performed Summer Nights (from Grease), with Hugh singing the Sandy part in a falsetto voice. Most amusing.
Furthermore, Hugh Jackman is married to an older woman. Gotta love that. Well, you don’t have to, but as a woman who is married to a younger man, I love it. Shows he’s got good taste.
So, Hugh, welcome to my List of Yummy Men. One day I’ll actually write the list out. John Cusack is on it (I liked him before, but then I saw Grosse Pointe Blank and that clinched it). So is Jon Bon Jovi. And Anthony Edwards (who I’ve liked since Revenge of the Nerds, remember that one?). There are others but I can’t think of them right now. Yeah, I really ought to write this all down…

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I’m sure I’ve posted this in my blog before, but since I’ve done away with the older archives and I was just reminded of this site again, well, here’s the link: Pirated Sites. Go, point, and laugh along.

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